That's me in 2010. Before. Before good and bad things. Before I started writing with a passion. Before I forgot who I was. Before I married the man of my dreams. Before I took a job I hated. Before I knew who my real friends were. Before I was diagnosed with Chronic Pain Syndrome. Before I finished two degrees, which some believed I never could.
Good and bad has happened in the last five years, and I'm starting to realize that maybe it was all good, since it brought me here, to a place where I'm starting to understand myself and what I want. Perhaps a little rough around the edges and tattered at the seams, but still wonderfully alive and beautiful and in tact.
I love this photo. My husband took it right after we first started dating. He always does seem to capture me better than anyone else. I am 19, and if you could see the rest of the picture, you would see that I am grooming my horse. To me this image shows the two different sides of me simultaneously, which is no simple feat. In this image I look both completely focused and yet very far away. Calm and yet, in my mind, completely wild, although that could just be that my hair is down, something I never do with it anymore. Peaceful, and yet somehow restless. They are two different sides that I embrace each and every day.
The good things that have happened since this picture have made me a better, stronger and happier person. But the bad things have too. And so though the two sets of events conflict, they are two sides to the same coin. Two perspectives on the same life. I choose to embrace both.
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